my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
