you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
