Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
