He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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