Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
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