Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
