There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He better not be in your backpack
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
