Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
this is an emotional support booty call
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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