Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
