So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
