somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
