2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
