Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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