I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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