My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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