Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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