Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
