So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
