Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
