I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
