what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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