I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's shark week go big or go home
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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