Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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