watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You are a genius and a whore.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
