She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
this boner is exhausting
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
