Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
