I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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