Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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