I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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