he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
