I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
