But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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