Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
