He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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