we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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