low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The beer is more important than you right now.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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