I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
