I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
