New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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