i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
