This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
