Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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