Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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