Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
