I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Apparently you make a good broom.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
