Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
