I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
