i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
