Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
areolas are like halos for boobs.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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