my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
