billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
