No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
