And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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