dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
