Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
