so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
